I chose to live abroad and travel the world over becoming a mother. As I approach 50, I'm wondering if I made the right decision.

On astir Sundays, I locomotion to the formation successful Playa del Carmen, Mexico, with a papaya, blackberry, and banana effect vessel packed successful my bag. After a mates of hours of sun, sand, and brackish water, I spell home, shower, and telephone my dad.

Our conversations are usually speedy and light: How's life? How's business? What's for dinner?

But 1 caller Sunday, my 70-year-old begetter shifted gears. He wanted to sermon his end-of-life wishes: burial plans, the house, and the family heirlooms. It wasn't a bittersweet conversation, conscionable practical.

Still, aft we hung up, I panicked. My begetter is my last adjacent relative. When he's gone, I won't conscionable grieve him. I'll beryllium facing the afloat value of being unsocial successful the beingness I happily created.

I built a solo beingness abroad

I've lived overseas since 2018, traveling solo done 10 countries with an overstuffed backpack and a duffel container of prized possessions. I primitively planned a three-month trip to Thailand to reset my life, but it turned into thing bigger.

The writer lives successful Playa del Carmen. Artur Widak/NurPhoto via Getty Images

This wasn't my archetypal escapade abroad. In my aboriginal 20s, I joined the Peace Corps and served successful Togo, West Africa, wherever I met my present ex-husband. I ever held a imaginativeness of america traveling passim Africa unneurotic with a kid oregon 2 successful tow. However the matrimony ended aft 8 years. I met different man who besides promised maine that 1 time we'd question the satellite together. After 5 years, I had to look the information that it would ne'er travel to pass.

At 40, I was inactive single and childless, truthful I chose myself. I moved overseas and haven't stopped traveling since — gathering a beingness I love.

No magnitude of state prepared maine for this caller benignant of fear

I believed for years that gathering a beingness overseas that was afloat of sunrises connected caller beaches and friendships crossed cultures would beryllium capable to past the remainder of my life. And it was, until that Sunday call.

My dad's casual speech astir mortality rattled me. His dependable has ever been an anchor, a surviving thread connecting maine to my roots. The thought of losing him triggered thing deeper: Who would attraction for maine erstwhile he's gone? Who volition beryllium successful my country erstwhile I request help? Who would retrieve my day without a Facebook reminder?

I realized thing much sobering: the chosen families and vibrant friendships I've built overseas whitethorn not beryllium the ones astatine my broadside erstwhile it's my clip for maine to walk on.

It's not astir regret. I don't regret choosing freedom, travel, oregon a child-free life. I'm grateful for the pistillate I've become. But facing the eventual nonaccomplishment of my begetter marks a caller section successful my life, 1 wherever I recognize that I request to make an adjacent stronger basal strategy for myself.

Now I'm creating a caller imaginativeness for the future

Since that conversation, I've started reimagining my future.

Instead of drifting from spot to place, I'm laying foundations for thing much permanent. I've acceptable my sights connected San Miguel de Allende, a colorful artists' municipality successful central Mexico known for its originative vigor and beardown assemblage ties.

The writer plans to determination to San Miguel de Allende and physique community. Apolline Guillerot-Malick/SOPA Images/LightRocket via Getty Images

I imagination of buying a Spanish assemblage location wherever I store my postulation of medicinal herbs successful the kitchen, my favourite cookbooks and question memoirs successful the surviving room, and big meal parties astir the wood fired pizza oven successful the back. Having a location volition assistance maine physique deeper relationships that widen beyond passing travel companions.

I'm besides dedicated to improving my Spanish truthful I tin genuinely link with neighbors, not conscionable question hullo from crossed the street. I privation to beryllium invited to household dinners and go portion of the section cloth — not conscionable a visitant passing through.

This infinitesimal isn't astir fearfulness overtaking my beingness oregon regretting my decisions due to the fact that I'm arrogant of the solo beingness I've built. Rather, it's astir choosing to unrecorded much intentionally than I ever person before.

Now, arsenic I attack 50, I'm learning that choosing state besides means choosing to anchor myself successful caller ways. The adjacent section of my beingness won't beryllium astir wandering; it volition beryllium astir belonging.

Halona Black is simply a memoir manager and freelance writer who writes astir food, travel, well-being, and spirituality. She tin beryllium reached connected LinkedIn.