You be the judge: my dad wants to track my location on his phone. Should he leave me alone?

6 days ago 5

The prosecution: Martha

I similar to support Dad updated, but lone for important things – and connected my terms. I americium 27!

My dada and I disagree astir whether helium should travel maine connected the Find My Friends telephone app, which lets you way radical successful existent time. He utilized to, but erstwhile I went to assemblage I removed him arsenic a follower. I don’t think he needs to cognize wherever I americium each the time.

I’m 27 now, but it’s inactive a bony of contention. Dad says I don’t telephone him capable – I deliberation that’s wherefore he’s being truthful persistent astir being re-added. He says: “I would cognize what you were up to if you fto maine travel you connected Find My Friends.”

But I don’t privation him tracking me, arsenic helium utilized to instrumentality it excessively acold erstwhile I was younger. Once, erstwhile I was successful a java shop, helium texted maine saying: “Hope you bask your coffee.” It’s nosy and I felt similar I was nether surveillance. It was comic for a bit, but past I thought: however often is helium looking? That benignant of happening happened respective times arsenic a teenager.

I’ve lived successful London since I was 18, having moved determination from the Channel Islands, wherever my parents and younger member inactive live. Dad has some my brothers connected Find My Friends, and says they don’t caput it. But I don’t privation him to spot what I’m up to.

I recognize him pursuing my younger member connected the app arsenic helium inactive lives astatine home. It’s utile if you privation to check someone’s whereabouts, oregon spot if they are connected their mode home. But Dad and I don’t unrecorded successful the aforesaid place, truthful it’s not similar helium could bash thing astir it if I wasn’t wherever I was expected to be.

Recently, Dad utilized Find My Friends to look up places my older member was visiting connected vacation successful Nicaragua. He messaged him things like: “I saw you went to that waterfall.” That would thrust maine mad. I similar to drawback up with Dad connected the phone; I don’t request to beryllium checked up connected successful existent time.

I brought it up astatine enactment and my colleagues agreed that the full happening is weird. Mum doesn’t get progressive overmuch but agrees Dad should driblet it. I like to support him updated, but lone erstwhile it’s significant, and connected my ain terms. There are nary large secrets. It’s conscionable that I’m an adult.

The defence: Neil

Martha isn’t large astatine keeping successful touch, truthful it’s bully to cognize she’s alive. It’s not stalking, it’s love

In my defence, I person the remainder of my household connected Find My Friends. I person 3 children and Martha is the eldest. But my 2 sons are connected my side, and they don’t caput being followed astatine all.

I’m a municipality planner and I truly like maps. I don’t unrecorded with each my children, truthful I similar to look up wherever they are. That way, erstwhile I sojourn them and we spell to those places, they consciousness acquainted to me. It’s a virtual mode to travel their lives. We’re in separate places and I don’t spot them very often, truthful it’s bully to instrumentality an involvement successful their regular routines.

It’s besides rather useful erstwhile they go on holiday. When my eldest lad went to Nicaragua, it was truly absorbing to spot wherever helium was visiting on the coast, as I knew thing astir the country. I saw the small pinpoints, past Googled those places to spot his travel for myself. You tin alteration the inheritance to look at it successful representation form, oregon look astatine the terrain. It’s truly nice.

And erstwhile we are each successful the aforesaid place, the app is truly applicable erstwhile we conscionable up, arsenic you tin spot wherever radical are, oregon wherefore they are late.

Martha makes retired that I look astatine it obsessively, but I don’t. I’d ne'er connection her to inquire what she’s doing. When I did that before, it was conscionable a joke. But it is rather bully to cognize she is alive, due to the fact that she’s not bully at keeping in touch.

We are physically separated – I unrecorded connected an land truthful I can’t conscionable leap connected a bid to spot her. The app makes maine consciousness much connected to her. Martha sends photos erstwhile she travels for enactment saying: “Guess wherever I am?” I joke that I wouldn’t person to conjecture if I could travel along.

Martha near location a agelong clip agone now. I don’t hold for her texts, oregon interest astir her successful London. She’s precise escaped and autarkic and information has ne'er been a worry; I conscionable privation to beryllium caught up connected what she is doing. My different kids are precise relaxed astir the Find My Friends thing. They understand that it’s not stalking, it’s love.

The assemblage of Guardian readers

Should Martha let her dada to way her connected his phone?

Neil needs to recognize that helium has breached Martha’s idiosyncratic boundaries successful the past, and she’s trying to reassert them. Sometimes a parent’s affection, adjacent if good intended, tin go suffocating and invasive. If helium respects Martha’s needs now, their narration volition beryllium overmuch healthier successful the agelong run.
George, 28

As a parent, I bash recognize that it’s hard to fto spell of your children. But portion I person immoderate empathy for Neil, helium is successful the wrong. The information that his different sons are good with it is irrelevant; Martha is an autarkic adult, and helium wants to invade her privacy.
Anne, 65

The app is utile for emergencies. However, Neil says he’s not disquieted astir information – helium wants “to beryllium caught up connected what she’s doing”. In my sentiment that’s conscionable being nosy. No wonderment Martha finds it intrusive.
Judith, 58

If Martha isn’t comfy with the determination tracking, her begetter should respect her boundaries. In return, Martha ought to admit that his petition comes from a spot of emotion and could suggest a antithetic mode to drawback up much regularly arsenic a compromise.
Alicia, 25

I empathise with Martha not wanting to beryllium observed, and Neil should respect that. It sounds similar helium is simply a saccharine and loving dada though, truthful surely calling him much often wouldn’t hurt? Only updating him “when it’s significant” seems a shame.
Leo, 25