This is how we do it: ‘My ex didn’t find me attractive after I put on weight. With Denzel, I finally feel loved’

Denzel, 46

She’s brought a different side to my life I didn’t know existed

I think Sarita brings the best out in me. From the beginning, we’ve been very open when talking about sex and what we like to do. Nothing is taboo and there’s no judgment. I feel free to be myself and she’s very open and understanding. I know she’s got insecurities around her body, but I try to reassure her as much as I can. I find her sexy and I love her for who she is. I’ve also got insecurities – we all do. But we talk very openly about this and don’t feel judged. We are just happy to be naked in front of each other.

I had previously been married for almost 20 years, but the relationship broke down and towards the end was sexless. After that, I made sure I was mentally ready to move forward and happy in myself, and wasn’t coming into a new relationship with too much baggage. I wanted to start with a clean slate. When you feel happy in yourself, that affects your sex life.

I think Sarita has helped me understand myself, sexually. She’s brought a different side to my life I didn’t know existed, with new experiences like Tantric sex and using toys. We talk about sex all the time and I don’t feel afraid to ask her anything. I haven’t always had this attitude; with Sarita it’s different because we get on so well.

For example, I don’t have a foot fetish, but I like hers. We also massage each other a lot, which was new to me. It’s so relaxing and I find I can’t stop touching her. I’ve never felt like that before. Once we tried Tantric sex where you just stare at each other. It was weird at first, but then I felt this emotion I’d never felt before, like I wanted to cry. And the way she talks during sex – she could read the shopping list and I’d still be turned on.

We’ve been together for two years, and have our individual lives, but we come together and work well as a team, both in and out of the bedroom. As we live separately, most times we meet we’ll have sex – about six times a week. It’s always sensual and never feels rushed.

Sarita, 44

From the beginning Denzel would tell me every single part of my body that he liked

Denzel and I met online two years ago. Some years before that I’d come out of a sexless marriage. My ex admitted that he no longer found me attractive after I’d gained some weight, which made me feel disgusting, undesirable and completely rejected. Not only this, but I did all the childcare, housework and cooking, and I was an emotional support. So I knew I didn’t want to be with someone who was draining or who didn’t respect me. I’ve always had quite a high sex drive and really enjoyed sex, though never had the opportunity to have much of it. When I was ready to start dating again, I wanted a bit of excitement.

Within about half an hour of meeting Denzel I really wanted to kiss him. We didn’t have sex on the first date, and the eight days between the first and second meetings felt like a lifetime. When we did have sex, it was absolutely mind-blowing. I remember him saying to me: “What do you like? I’ll do it.” And I thought: bloody hell, that’s such a turn on. He absolutely loves giving oral sex, which is so refreshing. I had so many hang-ups about my appearance, but from the beginning Denzel would tell me every single part of my body that he liked, such as my feet, and the spot above my bum which he thinks is amazing and I think looks like flab. I feel really cared for and loved.

Our sex life has continued to get better and better. We talk about sex like we talk about what we’re having for dinner. We go shopping for sex toys together, or buy things and surprise each other with them. Once I suggested we try Tantric sex, and he was instantly up for it. I bought him some nipple clamps, and he was really into it. I suggested we should have some mirror sex, and the next minute we were in front of the mirror doing it. I don’t feel like anything’s out of bounds.