Starmer digs himself into a hole in Tirana while Tories froth about a flag | John Crace

During Wednesday’s premier minister’s questions, Keir Starmer said the Conservative enactment was heading for brain-dead oblivion. The precise adjacent day, the Tories screamed: “Hold my beer. You ain’t seen thing yet.” They look to look connected the premier minister’s statement arsenic a challenge. One to which they are determined to rise.

Forget Ukraine and Gaza. Forget the maturation and migration figures. Come Thursday morning, the astir pressing question connected the minds of the shadiness paymaster general, Richard Holden, and different Conservative MPs was their outrage that Downing Street would not beryllium flying the Middlesex emblem connected Friday to people Middlesex Day.

Never caput that Middlesex hardly exists immoderate more. Never caput that astir nary 1 but a fewer supporters of Middlesex region cricket nine could adjacent recognise the Middlesex flag. Never caput that lone astir 2 radical tin adjacent spot the Downing Street flagpole, fto unsocial attraction what emblem it is flying. This was a large snub to the Middlesex regiment and its portion successful the Battle of Albuera during the peninsula war. A day that was connected everyone’s mind. Clearly.

“Keir Starmer would alternatively hoist the achromatic emblem of surrender,” thundered the progressively unhinged Holden. Not a time goes by erstwhile helium does not convey his stars for the decision of Napoleon. Yet different foreigner trying to subjugate the plucky Brits. Just similar the EU. Give maine strength. This was a stunt truthful ludicrous it was beneath adjacent Reform. The Tories sometimes wonderment wherefore they are nary longer taken earnestly by astir of the country. They request wonderment nary more.

While the Conservatives were having their precise nationalist psychiatric breakdown, Starmer was different engaged connected the latest circular of his “island of strangers” migration tour. If it’s Thursday, it indispensable beryllium Tirana, wherever helium was disconnected to conscionable the 6ft 7in Albanian premier minister, Edi Rama, for a bilateral gathering and a property conference. The quality successful tallness betwixt the 2 men was marked. Keir looked arsenic if helium was lasting successful a spread and was struggling to spot implicit the lectern.

This was the archetypal clip a UK premier curate had visited Albania and Rama was keen to explicit his gratitude. It was an honour, helium said, and helium was looking guardant to ever person ties betwixt the 2 countries. Though possibly not rather arsenic adjacent arsenic Keir would person liked, due to the fact that Edi was keen to constituent retired that Albania was not unfastened to being utilized arsenic a returns processing hub for different countries’ unwanted asylum seekers and amerciable immigrants.

The narration with Italy was a one-off, Rama said. One forged retired of a peculiar narration betwixt the 2 countries. A geographical and affectional intensity. He was excessively polite to notation that the woody had besides stalled successful the Italian courts. No constituent successful upsetting anyone. So his ties with Giorgia Meloni were similar a marriage. And helium wasn’t looking for immoderate one-night stands with the Brits. Or anyone else, for that matter.

This seemed to travel arsenic a spot of a astonishment to Starmer. The simultaneous translation provender faded successful and retired and helium tapped his earpiece to marque definite helium had heard correctly. Unfortunately for him, helium had. Most members of the media had been led to judge that 1 of the objectives of this archetypal travel to Albania was to unafraid the outlines of a woody for a returns hub. This was each portion of the government’s migration express, aft all. Now everything was alternatively much confused. Surely the UK premier curate hadn’t travel to Albania a time up of the European Political Community acme conscionable for a schmooze and to explicit solidarity implicit Ukraine?

It alternatively looked arsenic though Keir had done conscionable that. Sounding alternatively much keen astir returns hubs than helium ever had successful absorption – he’s hopeless to offload immigrants determination – Starmer went into waffle mode. He was talking to different countries astir returns hubs. Just not Albania. That had ne'er been connected his list. Oh no. Though helium couldn’t accidental precisely which countries helium had successful mind. But fingers crossed and each that.

Rama looked arsenic if helium was opening to bask himself. This was each going a batch amended than expected. Now helium turned up the heat. Yes, determination had been a precocious constituent of 12,000 Albanians arriving illegally successful the UK via tiny boats successful 2022. But acknowledgment to practice betwixt the 2 countries that fig had been chopped by 95%. So determination were hardly immoderate Albanians making the travel these days. So determination was nary problem. Only, determination was for Keir. He hadn’t travel to Tirana to praise the efforts of the erstwhile authorities successful cutting amerciable migration. But that was alternatively what helium was forced to do. Though not successful rather truthful galore words. It had each been a fortunate coincidence.

The presser ended with an Albanian writer demanding an apology from the Brits for our politicians’ antagonistic portrayal of Albanians arsenic each criminals. Edi came to the rescue. It had lone been immoderate – viz Suella Braverman – helium observed. And she and the Tories had got their comeuppance astatine the ballot container past July. So nary hard feelings. Keir smiled gratefully.

Edi continued. Surely present was the clip to observe the 100,000 Albanians who had legally settled successful the UK and who paid their taxes and had integrated into society. Keir smiled little gratefully. A palmy migration communicative was not connected the government’s quality grid. He was successful Albania to speech astir Britain’s squalid past of migration successful the past 14 years. The incalculable harm that foreigners had done to the country. Having to beryllium bully wasn’t portion of the script. He headed disconnected to lunch. You triumph some, you suffer some. Perhaps nary 1 had been watching.

Having a alternatively amended time was Rachel Reeves. It’s been 1 agelong tally of atrocious quality for the chancellor since past July, but connected Thursday she learned that growth had risen unexpectedly by 0.7% successful the archetypal 4th of the year. So she was retired and about, telling anyone who would listen. Fastest-growing system successful the G7. Everything was fine. Top of the world, Ma. One successful the oculus for the Tories and Reform for talking the state down. Rachel should bask it portion it lasts. With the imposition of tariffs, the adjacent 4th is improbable to look truthful rosy.