‘It underpins everything’: how people in a relationship manage their finances

Jedidajah Otte

Mon, May 12, 2025, 10:01 PM 9 min read

When Laura, a teacher from Manchester, archetypal moved successful with her present husband, wealth was, she says, “almost a non-topic”.

They earned akin amounts, divided the bills, were often some skint and “felt similar equals navigating a amusive but somewhat precarious clip together, with abstracted slope accounts”.

Over time, however, this changed. When the mates joined and decided to bargain a level together, Laura was earning more, but her hubby was fixed a location deposit by his family, starring to analyzable questions astir who should ain what proportionality of the property. When Laura spent 2 years connected maternity leave, her hubby became the sole breadwinner.

Let’s beryllium honest: however we woody with wealth successful a narration is underpinning everything

“We inactive had our abstracted accounts, but excavation was empty, my pension contributions were zero, and helium paid each the bills,” says Laura. Even though helium recognised my unpaid childcare arsenic an adjacent contribution, I felt financially astatine his mercy.

“I ne'er thought wealth would specify immoderate of my relationships but let’s beryllium honest: successful a satellite wherever nationalist services are changeable to pieces and different rent summation tin extremity a idiosyncratic into an existential crisis, however we woody with wealth successful a narration is underpinning everything.”

It was lone erstwhile the mates decided to merge each their assets and slope accounts, Laura says, that their narration dynamic “felt steadfast and adjacent again”.

Laura was among hundreds of radical who shared with the Guardian however they negociate finances with their romanticist partner.

Scores felt that wealth had go a cardinal taxable successful their relationships successful caller years, with galore pointing to the outgo of living, fiscal literacy, pensions and astute investing having go large topics connected societal media.

For galore couples, shared finances are nary longer the default model. At the aforesaid time, the sex wage gap and the sex pension gap stay stubbornly successful spot successful galore countries. Millions of women person unwillingly discontinue enactment oregon reduced their hours due to the fact that of childcare successful caller years, portion studies consistently amusement that women are much stressed astir finances and the outgo of surviving than men, and lag down them successful fiscal education, assurance and literacy.

What would beryllium the constituent successful maine having much wealth than my wife?

While galore respondents said they were uncomfortable with the thought of merging finances with their partner, galore others said they had embraced the accepted exemplary of combining everything, arsenic they felt different models risked creating struggle and resentment.

“We stock everything 50/50, though I gain importantly much than my wife,” says a 40-year-old begetter from Nantwich. “What would beryllium the constituent successful maine having much wealth than my wife?”