From apps to gadgets, 'Second Life' considers how tech is changing having a baby

When writer Amanda Hess was 7 months pregnant, a regular ultrasound revealed that her babe appeared to beryllium sticking retired his tongue. Hess was charmed by the visual, but her doctors warned that it mightiness beryllium motion of a uncommon familial condition. What followed was a spiral of MRIs, familial testing, consultations with specialists and late-night dive into the net for answers.

"After respective weeks of tests, erstwhile I was astir 8 months pregnant, we learned that my lad has Beckwith-Wiedemann syndrome [BWS], which is an overgrowth upset that, among different things, tin origin a kid to person a precise enlarged tongue," Hess says.

BWS is simply a familial information that occurs successful astir 1 successful 11,000 births. In summation to enlarged tongues, children with BWS whitethorn person enlarged abdominal organs and an accrued hazard of processing definite cancers during childhood.

Hess was frustrated that the app she had been utilizing seemed to absorption exclusively connected steadfast pregnancies — the BWS diagnosis fell beyond its scope. She turned to Google, but the hunt results weren't reassuring. She work tabloid quality stories and Reddit threads of radical who were cruel astir the beingness of babies with the BWS. One influencer adjacent suggested that the syndrome was caused by stressed retired mothers who had figuratively spot their ain tongues during pregnancy.

"It's wholly ludicrous," Hess says. "I cognize that my son's familial information was not caused by thing I thought during pregnancy. But astatine the time, determination was this sub-rational portion of myself that truly felt that that was true."

When Hess' owed day yet came, she labored for 24-hours earlier her doctors recommended she person a C-section. That's erstwhile she started crying; looking backmost now, she says her probe into BWS had made her acrophobic to conscionable her son. But aft his birth, those fears disappeared.

"He was a person, finally, who I had a existent narration with, each of these imagined images of him and imaginable lives for him dissolved," she says. "And it was truly lone astatine that infinitesimal that I realized however disablement tin beryllium truthful divorced from its quality discourse done these technologies and however I truly needed to conscionable just this babe successful bid to enactment it backmost there."

In the caller book, Second Life: Having A Child In The Digital Age, Hess writes astir however exertion shapes each facet of parenting — from our online identities to the pressures of sharing our lives successful real-time.

"I started to deliberation astir penning a publication astir exertion earlier I became pregnant, not benignant of readying to absorption it connected this clip successful my life," she says. "And past instantly erstwhile I became pregnant, my narration with exertion became truthful overmuch much intense. ... It was lone aboriginal that I truly began to recognize that these technologies enactment arsenic communicative devices, and they were moving successful my beingness to archer maine a definite communicative astir my relation arsenic a genitor and the expectations for my child."

Interview highlights

Second Life: Having a Child successful the Digital Age Penguin Random House hide caption

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Penguin Random House

On gestation apps vs. accepted books connected pregnancy

My telephone was ever there. And truthful adjacent if I did not mean to bring my gestation app with me, it was determination constantly. And truthful I recovered myself looking astatine it again and again. Also, a publication is simply a acceptable document. It covers a constricted fig of scenarios, and there's, like, a existent regulation to that. But it besides means that it can't beryllium benignant of tweaked and engineered truthful that it serves you immoderate seemingly caller portion of accusation similar each time oregon each fewer hours. I recovered myself looking astatine Flo during my pregnancy, like, 10 times a day, adjacent though … I was not looking ... for existent proposal oregon existent information. I wasn't taking that accusation and changing my fare oregon my movements. I deliberation I was looking for reassurance that I was doing OK. ... And truthful determination became this existent intimacy to our pseudo narration that I didn't person with an informational gestation book.

On precocious prenatal and embryonic investigating designed to foretell disabilities and abnormalities

I deliberation the happening that worries maine the astir astir these technologies is determination seems to beryllium truthful overmuch involvement and concern successful knowing what definite children volition beryllium similar — and trying to forestall children with definite differences — and precise small concern successful the attraction for those children, probe that could assistance these children and adults. And truthful I truly recovered myself connected some sides of this divide, wherever I had entree to what was astatine the clip immoderate precocious prenatal testing, but was besides capable to spot aft my child's commencement that helium was being calved into a satellite that is not innovating successful the abstraction of accommodating disabilities successful the mode that it is innovating successful the abstraction of trying to forestall them.

On the imaginable interaction of babe show surveillance  

I deliberation there's this mode that surveillance tin go confused with attraction and attraction and love. And I had this acquisition with my kids wherever I had installed this fancy babe show that I was investigating retired for the book, and done it … the video was uploaded to immoderate unreality server, truthful I could ticker them from anywhere. … But it wasn't until 1 nighttime erstwhile the camera was acceptable up and I laid down with my lad successful his furniture I sensed this beingness successful the country of the room, these, like, 4 reddish glowing eyes. … I could truly spot it from his perspective. Like, he's not seeing this beauteous smiling representation of maine watching him. He is seeing 4 mechanical eyes.

Amanda Hess writes astir net civilization and sex astatine The New York Times. Loreto Caceres/Penguin Random House hide caption

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Loreto Caceres/Penguin Random House

I spoke with my person who had utilized a camera with her kid who yet asked for it to beryllium taken retired erstwhile she was 3 years aged oregon thing and could articulate this due to the fact that she didn't privation "the eye," arsenic she called it, to beryllium watching her successful her bedroom. And I deliberation truthful galore times these technologies are purchased by parents earlier their kids are adjacent born. And they privation to bash what's close and they're frightened and they privation to marque definite that they person everything they need, similar earlier the kid arrives. And truthful we're not adjacent giving ourselves a accidental to truly recognize what it is we're getting and whether we really request it.

On the SNOO, a high-tech bassinet that responds to a baby's outcry with motion

I spent specified a agelong clip trying to troubleshoot the SNOO to effort to get it to enactment for my baby, until yet I recovered that I was truly troubleshooting my child, and helium had go truthful entwined with the exertion that I truly didn't cognize wherever the workings of the instrumentality ended and wherever my son's slumber patterns began. And truthful this exertion that's often sold arsenic a instrumentality to assistance america amended recognize our kids and get information insights into them, successful this case, for me, it really made it much hard for maine to recognize what was going connected with him and however helium truly wanted to sleep.

On uncovering enactment from online communities and forums astir BWS

Just seeing the thousands of radical who are members of these groups and seeing those numbers is truthful comforting to maine due to the fact that it reminds maine that my lad is not alone. We were not unsocial with him. There is this full assemblage of radical who look the aforesaid successful immoderate way. They acquisition immoderate of the aforesaid societal stigmas. They acquisition immoderate of the aforesaid aesculapian traumas and aesculapian experiences. They conscionable don't beryllium successful a geographical assemblage due to the fact that the information is excessively rare. So these groups are a existent reminder for maine that the net tin beryllium specified a balm to communities of radical who can't entree each different offline.

Sam Briger and Susan Nyakundi produced and edited this interrogation for broadcast. Bridget Bentz, Molly Seavy-Nesper and Meghan Sullivan adapted it for the web.